I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Randomize
