U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
