Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize