So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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