No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I supernannyed him into submission
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize