Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize