Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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