I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
