you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
