I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
