before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
