she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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