Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
