why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
