Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
