I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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