Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
