wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
