I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
