I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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