Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
