last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
