capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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