Sry I called you an 8
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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