I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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