all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Shame - the story of my life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
