thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I still have a little drunk in my system
where are my eyebrows?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
