someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
