so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
