He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
