If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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