She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
