oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
