so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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