i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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