At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
