pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
