if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
