As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
