and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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