Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
