So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
