i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
