I just cut my nipple shaving
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
