Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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