um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
