You're my little dorito
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize