So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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