im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
