I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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