apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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