I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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