If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
