Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
