I think im going to throw up on grandma
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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