I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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