i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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