It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
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