PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
