You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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