She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
