I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
