haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we made out on top of his cat.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
