did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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