Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
