please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
