I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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