new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
