Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
