he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
