Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i believe in u and ur pee
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