Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
