threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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