I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Come on in and take your pants off
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
