My liver just broke up with me...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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