he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize